Donald Trump has been given an iron-clad mandate from the people of America. His election as the next President of the United States is a historically ordained victory and truly it has never before been clearer or more certain that the people are crying out with exultant and clear voices for change. They are crying out for the mandate of Trump, as they once cheered for Caeser, triumphant upon his chariot parading through the thoroughfare of Rome itself… But what exactly does it mean to have a “mandate?”

In politics, a “mandate” refers to the perceived authority to implement one’s agenda following a clear election victory. For example, Ronald Reagan was considered to have a mandate in 1984 after winning reelection with 58.8% of the popular, carrying 49 out of 50 states. This was seen as a clear message that voters supported Reagan’s vision for America. (Nuclear weapons and Iran-Contras for everyone!)

For alpha male [Backlink to “A is for Alpha Male”] Donald Julius Trump, his mandate seems clear… maybe… sort of? His campaign was often short on policy details, basic understanding of governance, or cognitive faculties, but he did emphasize a few key ideas:

1. Gut the federal government; 
2. Tariff the hell out of any country that even looks at him wrong; 
3. Deport millions and millions and millions and millions of people; 
4. Punish the “enemies within;” 
5. Drill, baby, drill (which seems like a horrible thing to do to an infant); and
6. Appoint Hannibal Lecter Secretary of the Interior. 

Now, these are all very smart ideas from a very smart big boy, but there are challenges to the existence of a Trump Mandate, beyond the impossibility of appointing fictional characters.

Clear and Present Mandate

The Reagan Mandate, which involved giving money to the rich and ignoring AIDS, was clear. Trump, on the other orange hand, (as of this writing) only won 49.86% of the vote, a slim margin of 1.6% over Kamala Harris. In fact, she won a higher percentage of the popular vote than Trump did in 2016 or 2020. That’s not a Reagan-level victory, that’s an objectively close election, which means Trump does not have the sort of overwhelming support that it usually takes to declare a mandate.

However, what makes Trump’s victory a “mandate,” in the eyes of many is that he is a Republican nominee who won the popular vote, which is something that hasn’t happened since (checks notes) 2004… (Double checks notes) Donald Trump is the first Republican presidential candidate to win the popular vote since “Shrek 2” was in movie theaters. That was twenty years ago. For reference, the actor who plays Eleven on “Stranger Things,” (Millie Bobby Brown) was born in 2004… But sure the electoral system works fine.

The truth of why people see this as a mandate is because it’s the first time (in an entire Millie Bobby Brown) that the GOP has won a presidential election outright. Added to this are the Republican victories in the House and Senate, suggest that voters want Trump as their all-powerful good-brained advocate. However, much like a reality TV show about a fake businessman pretending to fire D-list celebrities from their fake jobs, the truth of what is going on behind the loosely-scripted media facade is far less clear, far more sinister, and far stranger than you might think.

Because as you look deeper into the true motivations of Donald Trump (which really isn’t that deep. It’s ankle high water at best), you see that he has another agenda guiding him. This isn’t the electoral-type of mandate but rather a more personal one. It was built over long McDonald’s dinners. It was nurtured on private jets, and consummated at a charming 3.9-star resort in Palm Beach. It’s about the person who truly matters in Trump’s life right now—his partner, his confidant… his obscenely wealthy backer. 

Move over Melania (she’s already gone), because Trump’s heart now belongs to Elon Musk.

Billion-dollar Bromance

On election night, Donald Trump brought an unexpected “man-date” with him to Mar-a-Lago, a 6’2” square-jawed Internet troll, who had his formative experiences in apartheid South Africa… Trump’s dream man, Elon Musk, and since that night the tech billionaire has been a constant piece of arm candy for Trump in the hottest new celebrity coupling—let’s call it “Donlon.”

Their relationship resembles a bad romantic comedy, feeling both unbelievable and entirely predictable. It all began with a classic meet-cute when Musk, known for launching things into space (including his own ego) abruptly veered his self-driving Tesla to the far right during the COVID pandemic. Many theories attempt to explain why the former “Superhero of the Left” transformed into the “Supervillain of the Right”: perhaps it was too much time spent on Twitter, the fact that one of his daughters is transgender, the pressures of the pandemic, or maybe he was always just an egotistical ass who believed he was above the law and societal norms, and simply decided it was time to stop pretending otherwise.

Musk aligned himself with Trump during his second presidential bid, investing millions into the campaign and raising eyebrows with allegations of voter bribery. (Unsurprisingly, Trump is not a cheap man-date.) But it all soon led to the world’s most famous internet troll hopping up and down on stage at rallies with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for giddy schoolboys in love. Since the start of this celebrity coupling—let’s call it “Trusk”—Elon has become the MAGA-version of Yoko Ono in his influence over Trump, inserting himself into the transition, backing controversial cabinet choices, and even attending meetings and calls with world leaders like the Ukrainian President. He’s even earned the nickname of “Co-President.” It seems that Elon is never seems far out of reach of his new beau, but this man-date may be more business than true love. 

Elon Musk’s companies are closely linked with government projects, and he has now been appointed to lead the new Department of Government Efficiency, humorously abbreviated as D.O.G.E., reflecting his and Trump’s love of meme culture. (One of the couple’s many shared interests.) Musk’s influence has grown so much that Trump’s grandchildren jokingly refer to him as “Uncle Elon. For fans and haters of Elon, this celebrity coupling with Trump—let’s call it “Elonald”—feels a lot like an opposites attract sort-of-romance. Musk has played a key role in rebranding Trump as a leader for the next generation, despite their combined age exceeding that of most of their fanbase. He has helped the next President of the United States appeal to a new demographic of young, tech-savvy voters who are more interested in Cybertrucks and reusable rockets than in traditional political platforms.

Elon and Trump share a flair for the dramatic, often stirring controversy like it’s their favorite cocktail. Their partnership is less about shared goals and more about a mutual appreciation for chaos, akin to a reality show with a budget bigger than most countries. They’ve been known to spread misinformation like confetti at a Nazi rally, and their celebrity coupling—let’s call it “Mump”—is bound to produce policies that raise eyebrows and lower standards.

While their bromance is fueled by a shared love for disruption and a mutual disdain for the status quo, it seems destined for a dramatic finale. Much like the Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, or Tom and Jerry, this ill-fated couple seem doomed to failure, in a billion-dollar bang. In the meantime, their “man-date” serves as a reminder that Trump’s promises to his supporters are as fleeting as his tweets. The real beneficiaries of his policies are not the everyday folks who believed in his populist facade. 

Make America Poor Again

The truth is, Donald Trump treats his supporters like they’re in a one-sided romance. They show up to his rallies, buy his merchandise, and perform Olympic-level mental gymnastics to justify his every word, but it’s a classic case of unrequited love. Despite the fanfare, Trump’s heart belongs to the wealthy elites, not the blue-collar crowd. When he was elected, the world’s 10 richest people saw their wealth balloon by nearly $64 billion. Tech titans like Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, and Tim Cook all got richer overnight, but no one cashed in quite like Trump’s current crush, Elon Musk, who pocketed $26.5 billion in a single evening. It’s clear where Trump’s true agenda lies. While he struts around as a populist hero, his real focus is on fattening the wallets of fellow billionaires, not the paychecks of steelworkers.

During his first term, Trump rolled out the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which was less about trimming middle-class taxes and more about giving billionaires a fast pass to savings. Now, in the sequel, he’s ready to extend this tax-cut bonanza. His plan to lower the corporate tax rate to 15% is like a gift wrapped with a bow for himself and his wealthy friends. Meanwhile, the average Joe is left holding a bill that feels like the setup to a bad joke. (Why did the poor man pay more taxes? Because he voted for a billionaire.) His supporters applauded tariffs, not realizing “tariff” is just a fancy word for “consumer tax.” Countries don’t pay tariffs—companies do, and they quickly pass the cost on to customers. Trump’s threats to deport millions of illegal immigrants will send the price of basics like eggs, fruits, vegetables, and home construction soaring. When you deport around 40% of the farm industry’s workers, the average wallet feels the squeeze. But, you know who doesn’t feel the pinch of price hikes? Billionaires.

The true Trump Mandate:

1. Extend tax cuts for the wealthy;
2. Lower taxes for corporations;
3. Strip away federal agencies and regulations that force corporations to operate responsibly;
4. Drill, baby, drill (please just leave the babies alone);
5. Line his own pockets with as much money fits in his oversized suit jacket; and
6. Transform the United States into a place where the wealthy wield more power than elected officials.

The Musk of Oligarchy

We’ve long teetered on the edge of a system where wealth equals political clout, but another Trump presidency might just be the sweaty, small-palmed shove we need to tumble into Russian-style oligarchy. The bromance between Trump and billionaires like Elon Musk underscores this shift. Elon’s many hats—CEO, kingmaker, meme enthusiast—show that the ultra-wealthy aren’t satisfied with pulling strings backstage anymore. Now, they’re front and center, openly crafting policies that benefit them, often leaving the public to foot the bill.

Trump’s policy agenda is set to widen wealth inequality to Gilded Age levels, only without the charming top hats. Meanwhile, Elon Musk is proposing a $2 trillion budget cut that could hit regulatory agencies, social safety nets, and public services, advocating a governance model where the average citizen is left to fend for themselves—survival of the richest, if you will. With Republicans controlling Congress, oversight will be about as robust as a paper umbrella in a hurricane, opening the floodgates for unchecked self-dealings and corruption. Make no mistake, this shift towards oligarchy has been fueled by both Republican and Democratic complicity over the years. But now, Trump and Musk are the poster boys for a trend where billionaires not only fund political campaigns but also influence governance directly, blurring the lines between public service and private gain. It’s like letting the fox not just guard the henhouse, but also redesign it with a helipad.

If you tune into Fox News or other “truth-telling” right-wing media, Donald Trump’s mandate sounds like a symphony of change, echoing the cries of a populace yearning for transformation. But peel back the fanfare, and you’ll find a mandate that’s more about private interests than public endorsement. Trump’s budding “man-date” with Elon Musk is a neon sign of this agenda, blurring the lines between governance and personal gain. In the coming months, this distinction will shrink faster than Tesla’s tax bill. Their policies will cater to a wealthy few, leaving the rest of us wondering if their nightmarish romcom, we’ll be left asking: Will they or won’t they… send us down the slippery slope to oligarchy?